omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
