belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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