There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
