i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's always time for handjobs
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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