I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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