I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
