hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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