The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
