Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
