dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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