He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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