what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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