I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
