i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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