honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
