just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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