Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
