News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize