He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
