the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
