i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
