Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
