My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
