Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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