sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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