why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
