Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
