I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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