Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
