We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
