So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
