The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
