I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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