drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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