Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
