dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
