I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize