I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
