Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
