Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
