Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
