I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Mom said you looked used
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
