Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
