we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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