You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
even my farts smell like vagina
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
