im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
