People in love make me want to vomit
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
