I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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