By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need a beard to bite.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
