She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
