There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
