So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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