You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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