HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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