the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
