Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
His nipple licking is glorious
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