dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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