having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
