We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
