What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
