i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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