:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
