I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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