i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
