I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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