Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
