Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
