Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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